"Be the Change you wish to see in the world" -Gandhi "I will be a Hummingbird, I will do the best that I can." -Wangari Maathai "Where stereotypes begin with a grain of truth, cliches begin with a boulder" - George Watsky "And she's gonna learn, that this life will hit you - hard - in the face - wait for you to get back up just so it can kick you in the stomach, but getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs, how much they like the taste of air." - Sarah Kay "Do not fear what has blown up. If you must, fear the unexploded." -Suheir Hammad

New Beginnings

I had a few resolutions for 2014. To start simple, I wanted to wake up at 8:30 every morning. It's hard to do, but I've been able to do it sometimes. My goal from this is to have a better sleep schedule, have time in the morning to wake up and work on me for a change, and to teach myself not to give up when I fail. So far I've woken up at 8:30 3 times. I'm not giving up.

Second, I am going to try something. I want to find 12 things I don't like about myself, and work one one a month for the entire year. I want to use this a a track system on how I feel I'm doing. During my "me" time in the mornings, I will read articles, watch TED talks, meditate, analyze lyrics, learn about inspiring people, everything I can to inspire me to keep growing on working every day.

I have a couple thought out:
  1. I want to work on putting myself first sometimes.
  2. I want to work on my trust in people.
  3. I want to work on being able to open up.
  4. I want to work on my health.
  5. I want to work on my beliefs.
  6. I want to work on learning something new everyday.
I only have 6 so far. Those were all ones that stood out. And I kept telling myself, "Oh I'll think of them later." It's been 4 days. It's time to work on more. So I thought of something I need to work on. Procrastination.

Problem:

  • I want to work on procrastination
 I tend to procrastinate on the worst things. I don't want to look at bills. I hate looking at grades. I don't want to hear about why I need to finalize living situations for next year. I don't want to even think about the things that will get me stressed out. I become paralyzed with stress. It feels literally like the entire world stops and stares at me until I make a decision, or think about something else. Imagine Inception, where the dream people start staring at the "virus". Even if I'm in the comfort of my own bed, I feel eyes one me.
"How will she handle this? What's her move? Will it be the best move? What are the consequences of that? I can't believe she would consider such an option when there's this option over here? She doesn't know how to do it. She's going to mess up. She'll never make it on her own. Why would she think she's capable of something like that? She should just give up and let someone else handle it for her."
 I can't move. I can't speak. I start rapidly breathing hard, and panicking. I then go into some bizarre dual personality and have to coo to myself to calm down. I have to force myself to think of happier things and remind myself that there's always tomorrow.
THAT'S THE PROBLEM!
Instead of just making a choice, and finishing it up, I put it off and make it worse. I used to do this with EVERYTHING but now if there's something easy and painless that needs to be done, I will stop everything and finish it. Ex: My PS3 wasn't working. I just dropped everything (with friends over) and called customer service to see what my options were for my PS3. Find out, and finished it. But if I get my electric bill in the mail, it will take me 5 hours to open it.

Solution:

So I'm going to just start doing things. Ripping off the bandaid. I'm not saying it will be easy. This is one of my hardest problems, but I can't start working on myself, if I keep putting it off. And I'm excited to change things around. I think I'm cool and all, and there are parts of me that I ADORE, but I'm not completely finished yet.
So I'm going to work on my procrastination for this month. I will upload any articles or stories, or TED Talks, or songs, or whatever that I find that helps me with procrastination. I'm not promising a daily blog, but this month will get some stuff.

Let's see how this goes....