"Be the Change you wish to see in the world" -Gandhi "I will be a Hummingbird, I will do the best that I can." -Wangari Maathai "Where stereotypes begin with a grain of truth, cliches begin with a boulder" - George Watsky "And she's gonna learn, that this life will hit you - hard - in the face - wait for you to get back up just so it can kick you in the stomach, but getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs, how much they like the taste of air." - Sarah Kay "Do not fear what has blown up. If you must, fear the unexploded." -Suheir Hammad

On the Radio

So Katie Morgan one of my dear friends put a status up with lyrics from a song called "On the Radio" by Regina Spektor. And the lyrics in it just struck a chord with me right now.

"This is how it works You're young until you're not You love until you don't You try until you can't You laugh until you cry You cry until you laugh And everyone must breathe Until their dying breath"


I just love that. Things just are that way. There's not really transition phases. It's there and gone. Except it. Don't try and change things. They are the way they are for a reason. So here's my add on to that:

  • Cougars, stop going for guys younger than you. You're old, now go find someone your own age cause, "You're young until you're not,"
  • People stop staying with someone and lying to yourself that you're still in love, you're not. And it's pointless to torture yourself like that. And don't say I love you if you're not. They can't get mad. You just don't feel that way. And don't move if you don't love the person, it's just lying to yourself cause, "You love until you don't,"
  • Don't push yourself too far. There's only so much a person can possibly do. And it's not everything cause, "You try until you can't,"
  • Don't focus on bad things. They're depressing. Laugh so hard you cry, until your stomach hurts, because those are the things you remember cause, "You laugh until you cry,"
  • If you do start crying, then pout for two seconds and think of something positive, start laughing with tears strolling down your face, everything seems a lot less troublesome cause, "You cry until you laugh,"
  • Don't be stupid, don't prolong or shrink your life span. It's there and you will breathe until you die and you need to cause, "Everyone must breathe until their dying breath."
So that kinda gave me a little lightbulb. In case y'all cared:)

pessimistic vs. optimistc

I Hate:
fake people
hypocrites
story toppers
people who think they're cute when they hate Obama or anyone else"because their gay".
people who try to control other people (especially me)
people who were handed everything their whole lives so they start drama and then in adulthood they don't know how to work
people who are annoying/creepers
california

I Love:
cotton candy days (perfect days to sell cotton candy)
rain
wet rocks
good times/memories
meditating
singing
deep hidden meanings
long conversations
cold nights with warm fires
warm nights outside with and oscillating fan
laughter
people who love me
football and baseball games
photography
inspiring photos
inspiring quotes
good music
big dinners followed by reminiscing
beach shores with blue water

Just thought I'd let y'all know randomly:) In case y'all were wondering. Notice which list is bigger

Meditation


I hate trying to be coerced into something. I hate coercing people into doing things. We have free will. But I also hate waiting for people's reactions. Patience is something I need more of. I need to meditate or something. It's really relaxing. You should try it. Just to think and be in the moment. Not dwelling on the past or anticipating the future, but realizing the moment that your in and making to best of it. It's very relaxing. No drama to worry about, no school/work, no planning, just you in that moment. And not the fake you that you put up when being watched by various people, that acts like everyone wants you to. The you that is content with everything you do. Doesn't matter what you wear, do with your hair, music you like, or anything. The you that wants you to relax and be happy. That you is inside of you. And meditation pulls it out. It's amazing. And you don't need to cross your legs in crazy poses or light candles and hum. Just breathe deep and clear your mind. By then coercing isn't a problem. People doing what they want makes you a happier person. You truly feel happy for people, and you can for once be at peace with yourself and your surroundings. I think I'm gonna go meditate.

Happy Turkey Day


Ok not the reason I wanted to put a blog out there. Ok what do you do when:
1.you have someone who thinks they're in love, but the other person is a bad person.
2.you like someone, you find out they like you, and you make a move and they turn you down.

1. you be happy for that person because they're stubborn. You comfort them when the other person screws them over. But what about when this isn't the first time? You still just led them do their own thing. Obviously they're very trusting, so they think this person is different. They won't learn just by you saying something. So good luck to them.....

2.Me? I'd give up. I don't like to give things like this my all. If they don't want to act on it then they don't want to. Don't push 'em. Don't focus on it. In high school you don't need to focus on that, that's what the rest of life is for, and it's so dramatic and stresses people out. So I'm done. I'm not going to try anymore.

Anyhoo life is good. Things are lining up again. Drama WILL cease soon. It better. I'm tired of it. This song is good Hate Me by Blue October (in my playlist). I'm gonna get off, but happy turkey day:) eat alot and enjoy the beautiful day:)

badabada bum!


bright side bright side! our house is clean! woohoo! I'm happy about that. Later we're going to hang with the rest of the swope clan, and I have to take pictures for photo still, four rolls. Ugh.... I wonder how i'm gonna get this done. I have to take a roll of film from what I think about this song, Visions of Johanna by Bob Dylan. I don't know what to do for it. It's really confusing song, ugh I'll try anyway, and I have to take a roll and then damage the negatives. Then a roll of film of the butterfly project, and finally my year long, which is taking odd portraits. You'll see soon:) Oh my gosh! Did y'all know when I write this blog I play my playlist from the blog, because I ABSOLUTELY LOVE imogen heap now, and of course bob marley, and then kings of leon. Do y'all think it's weird when you look at your facebook picture and you're wearing the same thing you were in the picture. It's creepy. I'm gonna go get ready......done! I put more pictures up on facebook:) yay me. today is pretty, it's a cotton candy day (a day that would be perfect for selling cotton candy) Five guys sounds good. I want to get out and do something! erg....badly! wow Michael just texted me and told me that Guiseppe just had sex with his girlfriend five times since 9 (around when he started texting me) I say take a break but that's just mean. Now michael's gotta keep up. I should keep a tally for who's in the lead. That would be funny. I think I might, so Guiseppe=5 Michael=0 tisk tisk michael.....

just stay positive just stay positive....what do we do? we stay positive:)


ok...so....positivity is hard. I'm trying to stay positive [:)] but when things push against you it's hard. I'll keep trying though. Won't give up. Ugh. So right now I like this guy right. But the thing is that I don't usually like people. Some of you just rolled your eyes, but it's true, I'm gonna be honest I just wanted to like someone for the sake of liking someone. Now I actually like this person, so it's frustrating. And I don't know what to do. And someone may have told me they like me back, but guess what. That helps me none. Nothing has changed. Erg. This is why I'm a firm supporter in cooties, boys were less complicating when they were around.

Rebecca is one of the most amazing people in the world, because:
she defeated chuck norris
she sparkles.
Sorry random I know, but I promised her I would give her a shout out. (for requests on shout outs text me). I took a picture of Laura (painted with white paint and red/blue/green/orange tribal symbols and had her dress in all black, then made her eyes super dark) under the highway by the bayou because there was graffiti under there and I might send in the picture to a contest for photo. I'm kinda excited:) I want to go on a road trip, or sit in a field ALL day and just meditate. Wouldn't that be awesome. Do you know what sucks, having small birthdays since you were 13, so you could have a super huge birthday for 16th which you want to go to San Antonio, and finding out that you probably can't. It sucks. Maybe my mom can take me, but she said to do that she wants my dad to give back the child support for that month. (another reason I hate divorce). If you could get anything out of this blog, and it's a deep hidden meaning, it's to accept what you have, make the best of it, even if it's hard. Life may seem to suck sometimes, but that's just one chapter in your book of life, make your book a bestseller and turn boring things into stories, take chances, and make the best of it.

so i wrote earlier...but....


ok so I've done some thinking. I need to be less negative. It's going to be hard, since the world is very negative, but I need to. I need to learn to relax, and get over little things, because they are the things, that make me mad. I honestly don't want to be so stressed. So I'm trying it for the next two weeks to just laugh things off. Looking at the brightside. Because dwelling and hating is getting me no where. So if you see me being negative try and remind me. Thank you.

Wow.


How long has it been? FOREVER! I don't even know. I've had SO much to do this year with school. I just got done with region last night. It was fun:) 11 1/2 hours of singing. Ugh this year has been good though. Like with friends. New friends, old friends, new old friends(aka "reconnecting"). None of that love/like/high-school-crush crap anymore. Well maybe. Idk. I kinda like this kid, but I'm tired of rushing into things. It's like a new chapter. Wow am I gay? No. What the whole "chapter" thing was trying to say was that I'm going to go slow, if there were anything. Ugh. Then there's this other kid. Who actually shows interest. I kinda like him too, but I barely know him. So I seem like a whore, and a preppy little love sick girl. Great. Do you know how stressful school is this year. I'm pretty sure only STUDENTS know, and parents bring it upon themselves to worry. Wow yea so something drastic that has changed, my beliefs on the world. I'm at the point where I believe there is a God, I believe he's already chosen who's going to heaven, so why should I care if or even try to change that? Plus if you are chosen, then you should be able to have fun on earth while you can. And this whole wrathful god thing, yea I'm pretty sure it's not true. I just think he likes reality shows. So yea and I'm trying to be more relaxed, not care about a lot of things, not be negative. Although my outlook on love can be looked at as negative sometimes (i.e. I'm killing myself at 50 so I don't get old, I don't die before then) even though they're positive. Oh and I'm getting a tiger when I'm 19. For sure. While I'm in college. I'll keep him in the zoo, then when I get out I'll take him home with me:) Church with mom now, so I better start getting ready.