When you're a kid the golden rule is,
"Treat others the way you want to be treated".
For me as a kid, I had trouble connecting to people, and really feeling accepted by anyone in my life. When presented to me, this golden rule seemed like the answer to my problem. To my understanding, all I had to do was make people feel accepted and they would accept me. However, as life continued, I put this rule to the test, and much to my surprise, it didn't work as planned. People in my life still continued to act towards me how they saw best suited themselves. Even if I would go out of my way to make someone feel welcome, I still felt out of place everywhere I went.
It was really hard for me to realize the concept of the rule, was that you SHOULD treat others how you want to be treated. Not because karma is instant, but because if you wouldn't like to be treated in a negative way, then why would someone else? You treat others positively, because it is the right thing to do, not because you could gain a reward in the end.
To this day, I have a constant inner struggle with myself. I feel unappreciated, unconnected, obnoxious, and I ultimately fear that I will never find someone who will always put me first in their life. I don't feel like I can connect to people on a level I would like to connect to them on. Not because I can't connect, but because I am too forward about it, and they are scared or intimidated by my aggressively friendly personality. I have trust issues, and I feel like people will use me for my eager willingness to serve, but then leave me once I have finished everything. I have a horrible self image, because I assume people put me on a back burner. I all around feel like a sucky person for 90% of the time. I even have a hard time writing this out on my own blog, because putting it on the internet makes me feel like I'm whining and people will be annoyed that I'm showing any sort of complaint.
And yet, because I have such an abundance of inner chaos, and because I've been burned in more ways than one, I continue to care for people in every way possible. Because the golden rule does not say "Treat other the way you have been treated in the past", however, when expanded, it clearly states, "Treat others they way you hope to be treated in the future".
So I may not feel like I have ever been unconditionally loved, but that doesn't mean I am incapable of that same emotion. It is because I understand the negative, that I am able to share the positive. And this outweighs any inner war I claim to have.