Sadly, when you're not in a good mood, sometimes it's really hard to find someone to talk to. You're of course there to listen to everyone around you, but people don't want to listen to your problems. Slightly hypocritical, yes? And you kind of just want to spill your guts out to someone (and probably will at some random point on some unsuspecting stranger)? But no one's there. At least not that you can really talk to without feeling like you're burdening them more, or like you're whining. Of course even writing about it on something like, oh say a blog, is borderline whining, but you need an outlet. So as you continue to help Boy A with his relationship problems. And Girl A with hers. And Boy B with his self esteem issues and Girl B with her stress, your worries are pushed aside for later review. Of course you love helping the sad people in your life because at the end of the day seeing others happy makes you that much happier. It just becomes impossible to be fully happy when you're competing with others for your turn to vent, and you're ignored. You're only allowed 95% happiness and soon 90% happiness and then 85% and it decreases slowly until you can't hold it anymore (reference to the spontaneous bursting of tears on a random stranger from above).
People of the world, remember to check on daily those around you. EVERYONE wants to share some aspect of their life they believe to be "unsharable". Prove their theory wrong.
I can't put anymore philosophical blogs out anymore. I've already put my beliefs out there. There's really nothing left for me to say. This website, that "sooo many" of you read, will just turn in to a documentation of my life. In to that stereotypical blog that so many dread reading.
This is mainly because I've been the same person for a long time, which is ironically a change for me. but by being the exact same, I feel empty. I feel defeated. I feel boring. I feel like I've run the race but instead of finishing, or even getting close to finishing, I've instead ran ahead of everyone and they've taken a shortcut around me, thus gaining miles while I'm still waiting.
Another change is that I've all but given up on love. I still long for it, but I don't think it will ever come. It's like the more I hope for it, the more it hides and plays games. I don't trust that it will find me for awhile.
But at the end of the day, in the bottom of my heart I still "want kisses on my back. I want kisses on my cheeks. I want to wrap my legs around you. I want to sit on your lap and barely kiss you. I want to ditch boring things and make out instead. I want to lay in bed all day, just you and I, just sheets and us I want to fall in love, just once, just you, forever and ever"
(^^^yay for cliche love quotes!)
Everyone always sees differences. He's white. He's black. He's a boy. She's a girl. He goes to this school. She's goes to this school. But the truth behind it all is that we're all the same. We all have a brain. We all have a heart. And we all have a spirit. Most importantly we all have secrets, and as much as we'd like to think our secret is a true secret, we all share the same secret. That we're afraid of being judged and being vulnerable. When we can understand the true concept of this, is there really any need for hate? Wouldn't you just be hating yourself?
So it's been awhile since I've been on here, but I feel like I need to say something. We all have on desire in life. One main desire that controls our every thought and move. It'll drive our choice of clothing, how we talk, how we act, basically in a whole how we present ourselves. It controls our priorities. We feed this need to be perfect in whatever category we're obsessed with.
Mine is Love. I'm obsessed with dying alone, not having someone to call my own. Someone to depend on no matter what. But after some recent events, I've discovered that I'm the reason for all of my awkward moments. I'm so set on the future of something, I can't just cool down and let things happen now.
So, this is just a public service announcement that at this point forward I pledge to just have fun. I'm still young. I have a right to learn through experiences still, but I think I've mastered this lesson. When I'm older, I'll definitely look back in to this part of my life lessons, but as for now, I think it's time to move on.