Life in my world consists of music, family, friends, fun, school, me. (not in that order all the time). But I cannot be summed up in one paragraph. One story. One book. I won't tell you about all of me. I probably don't trust you. I don't trust alot of people. I trust probably 3 or 4 people. Sure alot of people think that they know about me. That they know exactly what I'm talking about when I say all of me. But you don't. Because not even the people I trust know all of me. My life is complex and always changing. I sometimes don't know me. I know what I believe, what I think, what I want or need. But is that me? Or is there more to me? Do you know? No. Because I probably don't trust you enough to tell you what i think feel believe want or need. I'm a very untrusting person. Especially right now. Nothing special has happened for me to think that. I just want to party and forget about it ALL though. I want to leave everything behind me. But can I? No. Because it's shaped me so it will always be with me. Is that fair? No. Because it's like doing all the work and not getting the paycheck. I've moved on and tried to be a better person, but do I get to leave it behind which is all I want? No. Because life is unfair. So my advice to you. Don't expect. Don't hope. Don't want. Don't love. Don't hate. Because it will all change. And all you will have is a memory of the time you wasted over the impossible. Will you feel better? No. Will you ever? No.
I love degrassi goes hollywood. I cried twice. Really sad. anyhoo! School is tomorrow. It doens't feel like it though. ugh. I don't want summer to end. I'm ready and everything. But it doesn't seem real. Like at all. It's weird. I want to see friends. And I'm excited for photo 2 and choir 2. And in a weird way world geo/history. BEcause when I get those done AUTO TECH! ahhhh! I cannot wait. Anyway this might be like the last time for awhile. Homework. Reading. Drama (dreaded but I will have to deal with...maturely of course). So this might be the last one for a long time. Please don't cry. You can text me if you have my number! Which is always a plus. haha. So see you later:)
Everyone gives advice. Either when asked for it or when they think it's time for them to step in. I am guilty of it myself. I give alot of advice to people. Especially when it comes to the opposite sex, because people are too lost in a fairytale to take a step back into reality and look around. I try not to be like that. I try to say, "Hey you know what? I'm in high school I don't need this drama." But lately I have kind of liked this guy. Not alot no about it because what usually happens is I am in denial about for some time. Then when I finally realize it it's too late because he has moved on. Happened again. And I'm am honestly cool with it. I just keep kicking myself because I let it happen again. What's worse? We were really good friends and now he's kind of drifting away. This is exactly why I don't let people in usually. Because they leave. They change. They move on. I have very few and selected friends I actually have let in. Thank the Lord they have not left...yet. I used to be a very being optimist. But alot of things happened in my life and my trust in people was betrayed by someone who should never betray trust. Now I have hired a contractor to build a 6 foot wall with elctric fencing at the top and a moat with alligator, pirahna, and Nessie around my true self. Of course my parents know the real me (on side of them does). But I don't really show myself. Actually the weird thing is I show myself in this blog. But I try so hard to keep some people happy. Others of course I don't care and probably never will, but I just don't show it. And I always tell people be yourself and yet I'm a hypocrite because I'm not myself. Do you understand how complicated I am. I woke up last night at 1 and though I should get water.....then I started thinking about all of this. Which is not good at 1 in the morning because I can't think clearly and I imagine the worst. And I thought about how I absolutely love when the sky has so many clouds that you can't tell whether the gray part is cloud or sky and whether the dark blue part is cloud or sky.
Hopefully I will oneday be able to take pictures like this.... but practice and patience is in store for me.....ugh. I'm in h-town trick! I love that song. I like that one and the cancun one. I want the shirt that says "HEY!" on the front. and on the back it says "You lookin kinda cute!" haha way too awesome not to own. And I would wear it to!
Ok so I officially am staying in school and working m hardest! Because after filing papers at Maren's work honestly I can't do it. my back hurts. A close call on some paper cuts. Fast food for lunch. ugh. I'm buckling down this year. I am not doing this whole slacking off thing. And everyone who knwos me knows honestly why I slacked off for some of last year. NOT HAPPENING AGAIN. nope. I'm sticking too it. School HAS TO come first! I can't do the ack problems and share a fertile office with three preganat ladies and one with a 14 month old. NO! I'm getting my college degree. I have to I can't do this. Whataburger is good though. I just don't wanna have to work there. 8 Minutes until I get off. YES! Then I get to do it again tomorrow and wednesday hanging with the crew :P then thursday LAURA'S COMING TO STAY WITH ME! woohoo! And I get paid for working. So I guess it's good. Because I'm sure you've all heard me say "I'll do anything for money" (within my morals)
Yea so I refuse to ever stay up past 12 (unless for a good cause) ever again. Because last night at like 12:35 I was going through my phone cause I was bored and could not go to sleep I decided to try and change my pin. So it asks...(the following red words will be me talking to myself)
"Pin Number: so i put 0000? no? ok try again....0806 (last four digits of my number) no? ok ummm.. 1234? no?! PUK?! what is that? ok ummm....0000? WHAT NO?! 8 TRIES LEFT? WHAT?! ok let's research this...*researches PUK* WHAT?! ARE THEY OUT OF THEIR
so basically by researching I found out that i have single handedly ruined my life because this little code has locked my smart chip and if I don't get it right within the next 5 tries I have to get a whole new phone and smart card...WOOHOO! not.. I hate AT&T. Ugh. I'm not using them when I get my own place and phone. Nevermind I am but they should warn you about things like this! I'm so mad. Why was i so stupid? Now I have to call AT&T (nvm my dad does) to get the code. I hate this. AT&T is not my friend right now...
I cannot wait for all-state this year. This year is going to be a good year at school...I can feel it. Oh my gosh the all state music is hard though. At least Joshua and Pueri are. I love Sanctus though. It's so bubbly. And the way the director at Sam Houston described how he thought it sounded, "It's like getting closer and closer to the kingdom of heaven and the Angels voices getting louder and louder until you're finally there." Isn't that inspiring? Then the coronation anthem. That thing is pretty cool. Except for the 4th part. Oh and..
Is an extremely awesome person. Because she laughs with me when weird grimy looking guys stick their hands all the way down the back of their boxers and scratch, then freak out cussing us out and flipping us off when we start laughing. She was with me through that:) Oh and she stalks everyone through her phone...just saying beware:p
(all state camp was fun:) ) haha. This year I can just feel is going to be a good year. ahaha I can't wait. I wonder if whenMendelssohn wrote Wie der hirsh shreit he knew it would be used for this purpose one day? (he loves altos by the way). Can't wait for this year people who read my blog. Shout out to you! haha I want it to be next week!!! Wednesday hanging out with Christiaan and hopefully Laura and Spencer. Then Thursday Key club thing AND lower becomes my sister for the weekend!! then when she leaves...SCHOOL STARTS! idk if I'm happy about that or not...:)\:
Ok so. MY beliefs? That the only God is the god of Abraham. That He sent his son to die on the cross. That we are only saved on faith through him. That if you don't hear about him,or get a chance to accept, that you are reincarnated. (i.e. still birth). That God is almighty and he created the heavens and the Earth. No big on all of that good stuff. So I finally got it into my mom's head that I believe that. So I don't have to go to Harvest anymore. I can go to Community of Faith. Of course she won't drive me. haha. So yea and she wants me to go the next two weeks to Harvest to hear him preach on divorce. Haven't I een through enough? Plus next two weekends I'm booked! hahaa sucks for y'all. You little stuck up hypocrites.
God created both Man and Women to multiply and replenish the earth. But what God did not think to caution us about is the courting part. It's hard to read guys. Just as it is hard to read girls. I've seen girls play tricks to "test" a guy. Or lie to "keep the romance alive". And I've seen guys lie to girls in hopes of something in return. Why do we have to act different around the opposite sex? Why can't we be ourselves. Sometimes we do it without thinking. But why? Why is being fake considered to be how to win over the target in mind? And if Person A is being real with the Person B of the opposite sex, Person A's's observers will think it's flirting even if that's not what it's meant to be. Why is their complications? Why can't the world be a simple place where you can speak and it's considered the truth? Why do we automatically assume everyone is lying and we need evidence they're not. (unless they're REALLY good friends or family). Bill Clinton. Just blame him for everything.
Too many people in the world complain now a days. Honestly you have it good. And you know the sad part? The people who actually have it bad, (third world countries, people on the streets, people on their death beds, etc.) they don't complain. What does that say about ourselves? We have amazing lives. Yes you. If you can read this blog, you have computer access. If you have computer access your life is not bad. Why do we complain? What has complaining ever gotten us? Except the occasional steroetypical wife bragging about how she got her husband to buy her a new bracelet because she complained about how Sarah down the street had one, it has not gotten us anywhere in life. It has not bettered our world. It has not gotten us closer to peace. It has not brought fortune upon those less fortunate. It has annoyed, irritated, created enemies, removed paitience, and so forth. If you have a true problem. Complain to God. (actually don't complain ask for help I've found that works better.) don't complain to people. Especially people who can do nothing about it. Because they are tired of being dragged into your drama, your problems, your life. They have their own. Or did before you started complaining. So do the world a favor and stop complaining. Thank you:)
A sister can be seen as someone who is both ourselves and very much not ourselves - a special kind of double. ~Toni Morrison
How can you not just love her cute little face? She has been a blessing most definately in my life. Knowing that she will be looking up to me and is watching my every move has helped me to understand that everything I do does affect someone. My life has completely changed since she has come into it and I would NEVER change that:) She is amazing and I love my sister Norah Kate Eberhard. Muah!
ahhhh home sweet home. Still kinda boring. I need to find something to do. Really bad. Laundry? check. Lunch? check. Music? check. TV? check. ugh....I need to read. And clean my room and take a shower. That'll do it:) haha short blog today. Nothing fancy yet. Mary might have to go to the hospital. Hopefully not. Something weird happening in her body. I'll be her personal secretary if she goes. woohoo!. Haha right when I typed that on the song I was listening to (I gotta feeling by black eyed peas) he said "woohoo" AGAIN! AMAZING! haha. anyhoo back to mary. Hopefully it's nothing serious. But she's fragile. so............idk. New favorite song? Good feel drag by Anberlin. Love the band and the song! It's like next to Burn it to the Ground by Nickelback fro theme song for life:) haha so cool. You know what I don't like? When people are like "oh you have a blog? Please don't talk bad about me on there. It's public." Well sorry if I do but I think the anonymous viewers of my blog aren't really gonna care who or what you did mr./mrs./ms. don't talk bad about me. So stupid. ugh. Like honestly if I was gonna talk bad about you this isn't the first place I would go. anyhoo. Well I'm getting off. (longer than I thought it would be) Gonna read, clean, and shower. Not in that order. haha. (you like the pic? that's my it's summer I don't care look. I post one today after I fix myself up:) )
No not last night as in last night was amazing. Last night as this is the last night at my mom's. I honestly don't know what to think. Being here has changed me. I think for the better. Hopefully others will as well. I'm tired of drama. I'm tired of problems. Even if they're my own. So I'm not getting involved in ANYTHING. If it includes me I will jump right out of it. There's a new me. Maren wanted me to find a new style. I pick 70's. It's cute. They have that at forver 21 and I feel like I should be in that 70's show. Well not that extreme. More like I wish I was. As for friends. I think I hurt a friend bad. And I feel bad, but I apologized so it should be over with. Hopefully. Oh well. I can't do anything anymore. Anyhoo. So for once in my life I don't really LIKE someone. I think some guys are sweet and some are cute. And of course the occasional drop dead gorgeous ones. But I'm tired of boys. I liked one. Haven't talked to him in forever though cause he's out of the country. Plus idk if my friend still likes him and if so I will be the first to back off. Then this other kid, but he's too innocent. Like someone who bites off more than he can chew.....all the time. He can't talk the talk or walk the walk. But thinks he can. You know what I mean. Then this other kid. Totally funny, sweet, good singer, cute. Good right? well I'm not gonna get my hopes up and think "oh my gosh he's perfect" because he's probably not even interested. They never are. Another reason not to try. But according to some very RUDE ladies at my mom's church I shouldn't even be thinking about dating. Idk why they think that. Traumatizing childhood idk, but that's not me. It's not like I'm gonna do something I shouldn't on a date. But apparently they're less trustworthy than my own parents. Anyhoo. I think the just want me to go lesbian and hang out with them 24/7. Idk this month has been....interesting. I feel like a different person. More Hyde like. (ok to clear things up I watched That 70's show ALL month) I guess I have to go to bed b/c my mom is making me wake up and go to church with her in the morning. Sorry mary. (she was gonna take me) ugh......night?