"Be the Change you wish to see in the world" -Gandhi "I will be a Hummingbird, I will do the best that I can." -Wangari Maathai "Where stereotypes begin with a grain of truth, cliches begin with a boulder" - George Watsky "And she's gonna learn, that this life will hit you - hard - in the face - wait for you to get back up just so it can kick you in the stomach, but getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs, how much they like the taste of air." - Sarah Kay "Do not fear what has blown up. If you must, fear the unexploded." -Suheir Hammad

another dream


So let me set the night before.
Night: We were messaging a girl named Bethany on myspace because we haven't heard from her in a while. (me and jessie)(small snipet of what happens)

Dream:Jessie had her liscense and was driving Maren's car from Katy to Hockley with me in shotgun and Mary in back. With Maren's permission to drive the car. We got out to Waller at this gas station. We pulled around to the front and I saw Bethany. So I yelled to her and she came over and gave me and Jessie a hug. Then we went in the store. Mary was being so weird and had to hold the keys but we were like no it's not you're car AND you're not driving it. Give it here. So when we walked in we saw my dad with Maren. She was trying to find swim trunks that said "amen old timer" on the back. I told her just to get sofee shorts and get iron letters on the back. She was amazed. Then my mom showed up. Maren and my dad were waiting for us to get done doing what we were doing so they waited in the couch waiting area. My mom showed up there and was SO rude to Maren. We all got mad at her so she left. Then we got what we needed and Jessie drove us home in the CR-V and Maren and my dad in the mitsubishi. (Norah was at Jan's)

Lovely right? I thought it was:)

Another life? or just answers?


It's official. I have this dream EVERY summer. It's always when I'm bored. I dream about school. I dont remember what the dream was about but it had the school in it. And we were in the school. Oh joy. But not for long will I be bored. I have Ivanhoe to read. And I'm on the hunt. The hunt for a man in which I carry his blood around all day. Inside of me. In fact I have since I was conceived. Yes this man would be my birth dad. I just want answers sooo bad. I have his name. And from what my mom (adoptive) has told me he shoudl be in utah public records. To bad they'respirations not free. Ugh. I have 30 people to look through for $40.00. Ugh. But for answers it's worth it. I have no problem with my life. But most little boys and girls get excited in science when we start learning about DNA. Then we get the worksheet to take home and compare ourselves with our parents. Wait a second. I don't know my birth parents. So to people if this seems like I just want a new life or I'm being selfish towards my mom and dad. Think of it this way. Tell me a time when you looked a hallmark card in walmart that had something about great hereditary traits on it then had to put it back because the mom or dad you were getting it for weren't where you got your hereditary traits. Then tell me I'm selfish.

Twofaced...and why I hate them.


Wow it's been forever since I've blogged. I should get on more. So today my friend Murtle called me who I haven't spoken to in FOREVER. So I was ecstatic to talk to her. She was just waiting after SAC camp for her mom to come pick her up. So we kinda caught up. And we started talking about this boy who goes to my mom's church named John*. He used to be homeschooled and had no (still doens't have any) social skills. So while I'm at a church event one evening me and him are the only teenagers so I start bringing up how he's going to my school. He tells me how he's going to be the light of christ and bring God into every conversation. Now do not get me wrong. I am all for that. What I'm not for is saying that, then when giving every girl (and Alex) in school a hug practically humping them, telling people to do something and calling them cocky b**ches behind they're back, and acting as if he has earned the right to be a prep and like the rest of the guys the school loves. Yet we hate/dislike him. He doesn't get how the school works and the only way he's had experience is through TV and what one clique from the junior class tells him. It's outrageous. I wouldn't think anything of it if he hadn't been nice to my friend (throwing her high fives complementing her and telling her to tell the new freshman how athletics is) and then calling her a cocky b**ch behind her back! It's outrageous! It is horrifyingly mad and it just repluses me. Another reason I'm not to fond of my mom's church. The youth are two faced. Maybe the can give a lesson on that and somehow weave it in on how it's blasphemous.

Adults and why they're right for once.

Ok so after trying to call my friend to get the update with her and her bf, because if I didn't now I wouldn't get it at a time I didn't find resonable, I'm trying to get the juicy details in the middle of "hold on, I'm texting, Amanda wants to talk to you," and " *click click click*". I realized that me trying to be a good friend and wanting to know was unimportant in this matter. I merely told her once I finally had her attention I wasn't putting up with this and I was going to hang up. This caused her to shush all other things and focusing on me staying on the phone. Of course I knew she would go back to the boyfriend and the friend, So I told her to call me when she had a moment of free time. She agreed we hung up and now (from experience with her) she is probably venting to her other friend about how I was out of line because I've done that before to her. I know have learned from my mistake and will take the advice of all adults.

****Cellphone etiquette rule #35****
Do not text while talking on the phone.
****Telephone etiquette rule #3****
Do not talk to someone while they'respirations on the phone
****Telephone etiquette rule #7****
Do not talk to other people while on the phone with someone else unless asking a simple yes or no question

I will now be following these rules. As to follow my goal and not be hypocritical. Because it is highly annoying and I refuse to take it any longer. Thank you.
P.s. If you call me follow these rules or else I WILL hang up on you.

why hello again (my dedication to Murtle)


AJ was right this thing is like a diary. Too bad I didn't have it before the drive in. Anyhoo. So have you ever had an experience, and after the experience you say to yourself you'respirations never letting that happen again? Then the red flags for that same experience come back into play and you have to have ropes and chains holding you back from going back into the same blackhole? Yea just happened to me. Murtle is helping me remember it's a bad idea. Mary is too busy with her bf and Laura didn't answer. I should just keep calling Murtle everytime this happens. She truly is the best friend ever! 08.30.02! And she's smart. Which is good because I need smart friends since I attract stupid people. (no offense others. I meant you're actions but you all know when you'respirations around me you do stupid things) Which is why Murtle is amazing! because She keeps her ground on her smart ideas. Which once again saved me from ultimate failure. So I owe her an HEB slushie and a pic of me as a gay pride cow.Since she gave me alfredo on her lawn, walks around fairfield, help with my stuides, good advice, and soo many more memories. ♥♥<------- I look ugly without my makeup sometimes like right then, but oh well I was having fun with Murtle:)