"Be the Change you wish to see in the world" -Gandhi "I will be a Hummingbird, I will do the best that I can." -Wangari Maathai "Where stereotypes begin with a grain of truth, cliches begin with a boulder" - George Watsky "And she's gonna learn, that this life will hit you - hard - in the face - wait for you to get back up just so it can kick you in the stomach, but getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs, how much they like the taste of air." - Sarah Kay "Do not fear what has blown up. If you must, fear the unexploded." -Suheir Hammad

Well that didn't work, but life is about trying, failing, and trying again.

So I watched Accepted the other day with a good friend of mine. I laughed and recalled my perception of the movie back in 2009 vs. the present and how things have changed, and how I understand things differently.

I immediately needed to check up on my blog post, "Why?" that I wrote in response to Bartleby's monologue at the end. Which then led me to reading some of my more recent posts.

Well ladies and gentlemen, I can say with full certainty that I failed in my new year's resolutions. First, waking up at 8:30a every morning was a bust. It's just a bad time. 8:30 is either too early too late. 5:30a might be a better option, and more feasible given my recent life change. Nonetheless, I can evaluate my actions, if I failed or not, and move on.

12 things to work on? One a month? The idea is great! Spread everything out. Make a habit in 30 days. Only problem is that the things I want to work on are not routine things, they are circumstantial. So I can't really make it a habit, then build on top the next month. I haven't had 30 consecutive days to make a change.

So I failed. I didn't finish my new year's resolutions. And that's ok. I learned other things this year. I learned that I have limits. A shocking realization that defeats my former adolescent theory of invincibility. I need breaks, but I need to balance the breaks with work. Not work until I'm dead and dry then sleep for 29 hours with netflix naps on the couch in between. Although I've been told for years that moderation is key, I learn by doing. (Much to the irritation of my parents.)

Another thing I failed at was my dedication to school. I know I'm capable of learning. In fact, I love knowing things. However, I find it incredibly difficult to maintain interest and dedication sitting in class. Plus I'm not even sure Geography is what I still want to do. The only people that talk about oil more than business majors, are geography majors. So I looked at Computer Science, Communication, Mass Communication, GIS, and more. Nothing pines my interest except Religious Studies, but that has no guarantee for a job, or at least a job I'd like to do after college.

So I'm taking time off. I'm going to work things that I want in life, and discover what direction I should be going. I'm going to pick up skills and tastes. I'm going to shape me. I'm going to reflect on the limits I've found.

First thing? I'm going to work. Second, I'm going to learn Arabic. Third I'm going to learn more about Druidism. Fourth, I'm going to lose 50 pounds. I'm essentially going to put myself in my own classes, my own degree, so that I can learn discipline and determination, and accomplishment. Then figure out what direction I need to take back in school. I'm just taking a much needed break. I'm trying to learn me.

And if you've read this far, and feel like I'm not too crazy, then please help support me. Tell me I can. I'll probably fall along this trail too, but help me believe that this is the best option.