"Be the Change you wish to see in the world" -Gandhi "I will be a Hummingbird, I will do the best that I can." -Wangari Maathai "Where stereotypes begin with a grain of truth, cliches begin with a boulder" - George Watsky "And she's gonna learn, that this life will hit you - hard - in the face - wait for you to get back up just so it can kick you in the stomach, but getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs, how much they like the taste of air." - Sarah Kay "Do not fear what has blown up. If you must, fear the unexploded." -Suheir Hammad

My internet connection!

I'm extremely sorry about me not being on for awhile. Jesper from AT&T fixed my internet though. (Yay Jesper!) I think that's his name. My phone connection was bad. Either way he's jesper to me. So it's been driving me crazy. I always want to blog, but my internet is bad... Now it's fixed...YAY! I love the song I want you too by Weezer. Go listen to it. It kinda just perks up my feelings.
I've been feeling kind of depressed lately. Everyone seems to kind of be slipping away. Every feel like that? I can't hold on to them. But I'm looking forward to graduation, then I can go out and start over. Of course I'll still have my past, but the friends I have, maybe it's just me, but I'm, starting to get the feeling that I'm just annoying them. Which is fine, but I'd rather be told. I'll back off. But in the end, it's not your friends who make you, it's not your family even. You make you. Others shouldn't affect who you are. Which I know, everyone is affected by everyone. I'm somewhat of a hypocrite saying this. But I'm trying to work on it. It's something I told myself.
*ALERT I'm getting personal here* I tend to rely on people on how to act. Which is how social skills are acquired. I get that. But there's a certain point when you need to make it your own. When you need to stop relying on others actions to depict what you should do. I do it ALOT. Not like a creepy stalker, but I watch what people do, pick up on their actions, on how to act. And then I turn around and say be yourself?! Yea, as a matter a fact, almost every teenager in AMERICA does that. But we'll never admit it. Because "so-and-so" doens't admit it. Well this is where I am going to be different. I'm going to admit, I don't always know how to act. How to be "cool". How to say something "cool". I wing it. Along with everyone else. Some people are just better. But we do need to show something about ourselves. Some of us have sports that we're good at. Some have music and art. Some have academic skills. Some know how to cook meth.
(I'm not condoning but it's a skill some have). But when it comes to things like, flirting, talking, expressing, eating, walking, anything "normal" a human does. We, or at least I, see what others do before we do it. That's bad. I need to be myself.
Now there's of course a difference between actually admiring something and doing it, and just trying to fit in somewhere on the high school food chain. Like in one fo my earlier, more angry blogs titled why? , I wrote about social class rules, and who decided them, and why do we follow them. I still agree with this, but now I want to know, why did we give up something as precious as our individuality to be "a normal teenager" or basically a drone.
To sum up this somewhat confusing blog, that went kind of on a rabbit trail let me say this:

The Final Analysis

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
...Forgive them anyway!

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
...Be kind anyway!

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
...Succeed anyway!

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
...Be honest and frank anyway!

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
...Build anyway!

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
...Be happy anyway!

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
...Do good anyway!

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
...Give the world the best you've got anyway!

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;

It was never between you and them anyway.



-Mother Teresa